Alice u 2 short
by Dorks In Forks
Summary: A bunch of one shots i wrote about Alice and how short she is. 4'10! go shorty! rated t for language.
1. UPS Hates Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, UPS, Fed Ex, Facebook or Twitter.**

**This is my first fanfiction ever. Read and Review please!**

Alice u 2 short

APOV

I walk slowly, human-paced down the stares. It was nice to be home alone for a few moments to myself. The quiet.

Then, suddenly, the future disappeared. I groaned in frustration. My plans…_POOF_! Gone as soon as they were made. Damn.

I ran over to the laptop and stared to look up my Facebook page, then my Twitter. Wow. One thousand followers. Not bad.

The door bell rang. I ran over to it and opened it with caution.

In the doorway of my house was a very tall, dark-skinned, black haired man. I immediately thought of Jacob. He must be a werewolf. He was wearing a dreadful jumpsuit that was brown and had yellow letters on it.

"Package, for," the UPS man looked at the package, "Alice Cullen."

"I'm Alice Cullen," I clapped happily. It must be the new boots I ordered from Paris. Oo lala.

"Can I speak to your mother so she can sign so you can get this?" he asked pulling a PDA out of…his pocket?

"I can sign," I said. I was furious. I can take care of myself and I'm literally over eighteen..

"No, ma'am, there must be an adult to sign." he smiled a fake smile. Then he pulled out a lollipop.

"DUDE!?! SERIOUSLY!?!?" I was shouting at the poor UPS guy. He would give me candy like a creepy pedophile but I could sign fir something_ I paid for._

"_LISTEN, MISTER GEEME MY SHOES AND LEAVE NOW!!!" I was now screaming too loud._

"_But, you must-" I cut him off._

"_I DON'T GIVE A DONKEY!!" I screamed really loud, "I WANT SHOES!"_

_I tackled the UPS man, I grabbed the shoes and slammed the door in his face. He got up and got into his truck and drove away._

" _I like Fed Ex more!" I commented myself. Next time uses Fed Ex._


	2. The attic too!

What? The attic hates me too!!

APOV

After the incident with the UPS guy, UPS won't come here anymore. Esme doesn't like that, so I'm grounded. I can't shop for three days, I think I'll sink into depression…

I strapped on my new boot, heehee, and headed down stairs at around 4:30am. Edward and Bella were at their cottage with Nessie, Emmett was playing Xbox, Rosalie was, well, being Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle were reading and Jazz was…I really had no clue.

"JASPER!" I shouted really loud. Everyone jumped.

"Alice, do you really need to shout?" Em gave me evil eyes as his game character died.

"Sorry, gosh." I said under my breathe. Emmett reset his game, he was pissed. Oopsy.

Jasper still didn't show. Where was here? Hunting? Without me? I feel so rejected.

I heard a loud thump above us. Everyone looked at each other with cautious eyes. I zipped up the stair and looked around. No one was there. Hmmm….

I heard the thump again. The attic? I knew we had one but I'd never been up there. I knew there was a pull string for the latter to fall down somewhere.

I found where it was and I couldn't reach it. I jumped but still continued to miss the string. I tried jumping from the wall to the string but I still missed. All I did was put dents in the walls, Esme was going to kill me.

I ran and found a chair. I put the chair underneath and stood on it. I was still too short. Damn it. I jumped for fifteen minutes, still missing every freaking time.

"OMG!" I shrieked. The thudding continued. It sounded like foot steps.

I tried to jump on more time but at the same exact time the ladder fell. It hit me so hard in the face that I slammed into the floor.

"Oops, sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to." Jasper choked out through laughs. I started laughing as well.

Note to self: Get out of the way when an attic door is opening.

**Hey People, everything that happens to Alice, sadly happened to me in the past. I just put it into Twilight form.**


	3. FunkyMonkeyThemeishKiddyMagicWorld

The Rollercoaster

APOV

Today we are going to Funky-Monkey-Themeish-Kiddy-Magic-World today for Emmett and Renesmee. I was so excited about the brand new rollercoaster there- Super-Hooper-Whoo.

We all piled into cars and drove to the park. I was bouncing in my seat. Haha! I was so excited.

Not only were we going to an awesome place, I was also wearing new a outfit. It was a deep purple v-neck tee with a pair of black skinny jeans. I was also wearing the boots again.

After Esme found the holes in the wall, I was grounded and I almost wasn't aloud to go to Funky-Monkey-Themeish-Kiddy-Magic-World. I had to beg. On my knees. Well, hey, at least the floor was clean.

When we arrived we walked as fast as a human could to get into the park. It was exactly 9:00am, so the park had just opened. We rushed our way over to the Super-Hooper-Whoo.

"Ok, everybody with their partners." Carlisle said. I heard Edward growl under his breathe.

"C'MON, JAZZY!" I shouted enthusiastically at Jasper. I tugged on his hand to get on the ride.

I was stopped by a teenager with really greasy hair and a pimply face.

"Excuse me, you must be this tall to ride." his nasal voice was bored and upset . He looked right down at me.

The sign said you had to be 5'0 to ride. I was only 4'10. DAMMIT! Why does this keep happening? Why was I cursed with being mini?

"Please, dude," Jasper tried to reason with him, "she might attack you if you don't let her on."

"Pfft…she's a shrimp." the teenager replied.

In the background Rose, Jacob, Nessie, Em and Edward were laughing. Carlisle, Esme and Bella were tiring to hide there laughter. Jasper stared at him with wide eyes.

"WHAT!?!" I screeched, "I'M NOT A SHRIMP, YOU…YOU…..YOU UGLY RETARDED TEENAGER!"

The boy stared at me in horror.

"M-ma'am, I'm sorry. I'm just fallowing the rules." he stuttered.

"Whatever, rules are meant to be broken. Anyway, I'm a vamp-" I stopped myself. Esme shot me the deadliest of death glares I had ever seen.

"She's a ventriloquist dummy." Jasper quickly said.

"Oh, wow, dude you're good!" the teen believed that I was a ventriloquist dummy. What an idiot.

I got on the ride and had a lot of fun. Jasper said next time I'm wearing heels.


	4. A little note for you

**Hey guys, I'm starting to run low on inspiration. I still have about 5 ideas but after that I'm pooped! So that means 5 more SHORT stories( no pun intended) I'm also going to start a new series about Emmett. He's going to do stupid things and get grounded.**

**You guys should check out my other stories, I heard they're pretty funny. I'll probably have the next chapter up by the endish of the week. Or tomorrow.**

**Dear Everyone who reviewed,**

**Thank you guys SO much for reviewing. I love reviews and they make me smile. I love everyone who reviews even if its constructive criticism. Thanks**

**Love you guys with all my heart**

**Haley Elizabeth Lynn Cullen :)**


	5. The Magical AN about Redheads

**Hey, Sorry this isn't the story but I thought I should say something about this.**

**November 20****th**** is going to be awesome, right? Well I'm wrong. Sure, sure, I'll be seeing New Moon at midnight and all but it's a holiday.**

**The Holiday is Kick a Redhead day! I'm a natural red head! If you kick me I will hurt you. This holiday has given me a new idea for a story. You'll have to wait and see.**

**Oh, fun fact! I'm Greek and in Greek mythology it is said that a redhead turns into a vampire when she dies. WHOO! I'm gonna be a vampire! See I will have revenge if you kick me. unless you kick me so hard that i die, than i will go search for Edward. Haha.**

**Ok so down to business, sorry but this story needs to wait. I have a lot to do. I'll try to get in chapters here and there but I dunno. Deffo by December!**

**Love!**

**Haley Elizabeth Lynn Cullen**

**I WILL HAVE A LOT OF NEW STORIES AND CHAPTERS ON DECEMBER 4****TH****! THAT'S MY 1****ST**** ANNIVERSARY OF STARTING THE TWILIGHT SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hearts and hugs! HELC**


	6. Very Bad Romance

**HIYA!!! Long time. I know. Well here's Alice in another wacky adventure. **

**I don't own Twilight (DUH!) or Bad Romance By Lady Gaga (Love the song!)**

Very Bad Romance

Of course, Rosalie and I wanted to go shopping…in New York. The new line of fall fashion is coming out and we want the designer stuff. Not the tee-shirt Bella was wearing before I left.

OK, c'mon Bella! I pick out your clothes and you still go and wear a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans??? UGH! She might be a vampire but she still has no fashion at all.

Rose and I were just about to board the plain when my phone went off.

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance_ I searched for my phone in my hand bag. But I couldn't find it. Where the helk did it go?!_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance _WHAT THE CRAP!?!?! "Where the hell is it!?" I shouted to myself. People began to stare. Well screw them, I'm gonna find my damn phone._I want your ugly. I want your disease. I want your everything. As long as it's free. I want your love (Love-love-love I want your love) _Nope still haven't found it.

_I want your drama. The touch of your hand. I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand. I want your love. Love-love-love. I want your love (Love-love-love I want your love) You know that I want you And you know that I need you. I want it bad, your bad romance_ The phone went into the chorus and Rose was laughing hysterically behind me.

_I want your love and I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance(Oh-oh-oh--oh-oooh! ) I want your love and All your lovers' revenge. You and me could write a bad romance _"Alice, its in the side pocket." Rosalie laughed, I gave her a glare. I reached into the side pocket and answered the phone. It was Emmett.

"Shut up, Emmett." I hung up on him before he even said a word.

We boarded the plain uneventfully and took our seats. We talked about our favorite type of socks and scarves.

"No, Alice, tube and knee socks are totally different things." She explained to me.

"But what's the difference between sport and ankle socks?" I was clueless with socks….

****

When we finally landed, I was bouncing in my seat. I jumped up to grabbed my hand bag from th overhead compartment.

I reached up there, grabbing the bag but something fell out. My phone.

Lucky me, it started to ring. _Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance…_

I ignored it. There was no way in hell I could get my phone from up there. It continued to ring.

I reached as high as my little arms could and still failed at reaching the Lady Gaga singing phone. I tried climbing on the seats but I got a glare from one of the flight attendants. It was worse than Rosalie's or…Edward's-when Emmett used to call him gay.

I jumped over and over to try and reach the stupid phone. Why wasn't anyone helping me? Rosalie? A kind stranger?

No. Because they were all laughing at me from all directions. No one seemed upset the I was causing a traffic jam. They just pointed and laughed. Nice.

OMG! The same pimply faced teenaged boy from Funky-Monkey-Themeish-Kiddy-Magic-World. The one who didn't want to let me on the rollercoaster. So I had to fake being a ventriloquist dummy.

He swiftly reached up and got my phone. He also slipped me his number. EW! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS!

I answered the phone again. It was Bella.

"Shut up, Bella!" I hung up just like I did to Emmett. Rosalie looked at me with a weird face on.

"HAHA!!!" the entire plain stated to laugh. I stormed out of there as fast as humanly possible.

_Yeah, _I thought to myself, _I'm gonna make you regret that Rosalie. You. Will. Pay._

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance_

No fudgin' way. STUPID PHONE!!!

"We'll see about a _Bad Romance_!" I threw my phone at Rose, she stuck it in her bag. And giggled._Caught in a bad romance…, _Dammit. Now its stuck in my head!

**What do you think? Sorry about Typos, its Tuesday morning and its 12:22, but the guilt was eating me for not posting so I wanted to write. Yes, this really happened to me. I was flying to Phoenix and my phone did the exact same thing and some nerd got the phone down and gave me his number. EW! My ring tone was You Belong with me by Taylor Swift. HAHA Have a nice day!!!**

**3 days til New Moon! Bought the CD today. Its very…interesting. I love Satellite Heart, though. See you laters!!!! **


	7. ON HOLD!

_Ok guys, please, oh, please don't hate me but this story is on hold. I swear it will begin again after 'Life Changed On Christmas' is complete. I can explain, My three humor stories are fun and happy and give off a good vibe but I'm writing a story that is sad and very dramatic. I need to concentrate just on that one for a little while. I promise. _


	8. I suck, I know AN! YAY!

**Hello, everyone, I just want to say a few things. First off, I changed my screen name, I do that every now and then. My new name is _Dorks in Forks_. Yeah.**

**Another thing is that, I will be taking a little bit longer to update after the holidays. I know, I suck. Oh well.**

**My friend Aly, WriterDancerActress10, has some great stories. You should read them. Seriously, why are you wasting you're time reading this stupid message that is way to long and not reading her stories!? C'mon. See that little word at the top that says _search_? Well, click it and type W-r-i-t-e-r-D-a-n-c-e-r-A-c-t-r-e-s-s-1-0. GO TYPE NOW!!**

**So that's about it. Thanks to all your kind reviews, I love you for that. Thanks for reading this, now go read Aly's stories. NOW!!!!!!!**

**Ok**

**Dorks in Forks**


	9. OH !

"ERG! ERGGGGGGGG! !!!!! Crap." I squeaked trying to reach the top shelf of my locker.

"Ah, Alice?" I turned around. It was Mike. Oh no.

"Do you need help?" He asked.

"HELL NO!" I screamed in his face. I tried again to reach my scarf on the top shelf but….I couldn't reach...it.

"Are you sure?" Mike was getting on my nerves. I planned on being nice.

"Sure, Mike. Why not reach my scarf, polish Edward's car, fix Rosalie's stupid shoes, help Esme plant a flower garden, perform open-heart surgery with Carlisle and teach Emmett not to strangle humans when he gives them hugs.? Do all this and I'll make Bella…come to your house for…a play date…like thing." I winked. He immediately reached for my scarf. But I slammed my locker door closed as hard as I could.

"OH !%*!!!!" Mike exploded into tears.

"Get a life, Mike. Or I can end your's." I threatened.

Just then Tyler Crowley walked down the hallway. He whispered to Lauren next to him.

"Well someone's PMSing."

**This didn't happen to me. Thank god. Did you like it. Sorry its so short. I just thought you needed a new chapter of something. All my stories will be getting updated soon. I SWEAR. Love, Hales!!!!**


	10. My Line

Demetri claims, "It's time." "Yes it is," confirms Jane staring into the night sky of Seattle. A light sound makes Jane, Alec, Felix and Demetri turn faster then sound.

it's a short, dark haired, gold-eyed girl standing before them. Alice Cullen. Death-stare creeps into her eyes making the blackish-red.

"D-Demetri. You did not steal my line." Alice's growl shakes the chests of the four Volturi. Even Felix flinches away. Jane just goes blank. Alec….well Alec passed out.

"What are you talking about, animal-licker?" Demetri spat.

"My line." Alice's childlike fists balled up.

"What are you talking about?" Demetri repeated.

" 'It's time' is my line." Alice screamed. That's when things got ugly. Real ugly.

A few seconds later Alice was brushing off her close standing beside a fire. Jane's head rolled across the concrete.

"Aw Damn. I broke a earring." Alice walked away.

**Hi! This is really random. Hahah But if you've seen The BRAND NEW ECLIPSE TRAILER you'll get it. Anyway BYE!**


	11. Update! I'm back!

Hi guys. Here's the thing. I miss Twilight. SO I'm going to try to get back into it, starting with reading all the books. I'm going to try and start writing again. Sorry if you thought this was a story: Just an update. (: Peace

Haley


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